Dear Jones (a good-bye letter to my sons hallucination)

Dear Jones,

I certainly understand why you would want to be inside the mind of my sweet Potato. The creativity and imagination that he possesses must have been hard for you to pass up. I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to crawl up there and see the world as he sees it.

You have been a force to be reckoned with. You have hit, and bit, and scratched. You have thrown and broken stuff. Your running commentary has tried to dismantle the quality of our lives. You hang around and spew your foul, deceitful ignorance to my baby, trying to strip him of all his self-worth.

You have really been quite slick, disappearing every once in a while just to make us comfortable, then rear your ugly head and return with force. I have to admit, you have stayed firm and really established yourself in his mind. That really doesn’t say much for you though, after all, it is easy to prey on the frail and the innocent, but you know that; that’s why your still here, right? Sticking around to see just how low you can bring him down and then revel in delight.

Now it’s time for you to listen!  You have chosen the wrong mind to invade, dear Jones. Your strength, albeit strong, is nothing compared to the strength that lies within my son. You may have had a stay in his mind for a while, but you have not, will not, and can not touch his heart or his precious soul. Consider yourself under attack.

Potato is never alone, I assure you. He is backed up by the greatest power of us all. He is being lifted up in  prayer a plenty and I assure you there is strength in numbers.  My young, charming boy has many angels in heaven that wrap him in love and watch over continually.  His spirit is gentle and kind, but don’t mistake that for weakness, as it is stronger than you might have initially thought.

He has a heart full of Grace and Virtue. His soul is spunky and loving. He is humorous, clever, abundance in spirit and sensitivity. Loving, enthusiastic, saucy, witty and considerate, he is a true original and not even you can take that away.

In his short eight years, he has run through more obstacles than most do in a lifetime. He didn’t get past those by waving the white flag. No, he has blood, sweat and tears to prove his fight well fought. He will overcome anything you send his way and you will not even be in our memories, because you are not worthy of taking any more space in his, or anyone else’s mind.

Be warned, hell hath no fury like a mother scorned. I will stop at nothing to see you leave. NOTHING!  When my baby feels weak, I will fight for him. When he sees you I will cover his eyes. When he hears you, I will sing to him and drown you out. You are most certainly not stronger than the love I have for him. Let me be clear, you do not even come close to touching the admiration I have for and confidence I have in my amazing son.

My baby is a beautiful reality and you are nothing short of a fraud. So, I bid you an official goodbye Jones, forever.

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69 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mm172001
    Feb 26, 2013 @ 06:35:25

    Reblogged this on Mm172001's Blog and commented:
    A parents goodbye letter to her son’s hallucinations. Her clarity in understanding hallucinations while not experiencing it herself is amazing and rare.

    Reply

  2. iamzion
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 02:37:39

    A wonderful letter and i know your son is blessed to have such a protector and provider for him during this season of his life; he will come to know the freedom you declare here now. Peace and Love …

    Reply

  3. Stacy N. Elliott
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 03:22:34

    Well-said! I had a friend who kept saying that she heard voices in her head when we were in high school, but her family didn’t believe her. You are a great mom, and your son will thank you for helping him fight against his hallucinations. I shared this on facebook for my friend.

    Reply

  4. shesgotninelives
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 03:43:54

    Beautiful

    Reply

  5. Jenny Cantu
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 03:59:40

    Praying with you!!! Stay strong, have faith, and persevere! God bless you and your family!

    Reply

  6. lipstickcommando
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 05:57:03

    Bless you.

    Reply

  7. myninjanaan
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 06:05:19

    this brought tears to my eyes. Being a mother myself, I can understand the love you have for your son; And I can understand how there is no fury like a scorned mother’s.
    Beautiful!

    Reply

  8. Sue Ghosh
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 06:11:03

    Just wow.

    Reply

  9. nathanjedi
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 06:26:16

    For your son, there can be no hallucinations. There can only be God. There can only be eternal love.

    Reply

  10. lindalitebeing
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 06:50:17

    incredibly moving letter

    Reply

  11. moodsnmoments
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 07:00:14

    extremely articulate and poignant. loved it.

    Reply

  12. 1tric
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 07:44:45

    Well done. Written brilliantly, or now that your “freshly pressed” maybe I should say Brilliantly written!

    Reply

    • sentiMENTALparRANTing
      Mar 03, 2013 @ 11:36:33

      I had no idea where all this traffic came from until I read this comment. Had no clue I was “freshly pressed”, so thank you for letting me know and thanks greatly for saying it was brilliantly written. What a nice compliment.

      Reply

  13. sensuousamberville
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 08:00:48

    Potato has a grand Mom. 🙂

    Reply

  14. Mac Léinn
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 12:13:01

    Beautifully written! Thanks so much for sharing! I hope your son is doing well 🙂

    Reply

  15. Victoria
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 12:38:35

    Add another to the number of prayers.

    Reply

  16. soulconalas
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 12:45:45

    Heart wrenching and admirable all at the same time. Love can survive it all. I’m with you on your fight.

    Reply

  17. Angelia Herrin
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 13:04:28

    Wow! I am really touched by your letter. What great incite you have into your son’s hallucinations. He is blessed to have you as a Mom, and I know you will fight for him day after day. May your tomorrow be a better day. Thank you for sharing ..Angelia at http://dixielandcountry.com

    Reply

  18. Julien Haller
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 15:43:08

    Very moving. I have struggled with issues similar to those of your son’s. Unfortunately, my mother died when I was very young, and I was left to walk alone with nothing but myself and a slowly loosening grip on reality.

    Your son is very lucky to have you.

    Sincerely,
    Julien Haller

    Reply

  19. diaryofamadmama
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 18:00:07

    Praying for your son along with you. What a wonderful mother you are.
    ~Jen

    Reply

  20. osherb
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 18:28:14

    Interesting opinion!!
    Cultclassik.wordpress.com

    Reply

  21. spiralsturn
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 22:20:24

    Beautiful

    Reply

  22. gareeth
    Mar 02, 2013 @ 22:35:13

    Don’t think Jones reckoned with the ferocity of your love for your spud. Well scientifically I suppose that doesn’t enter into it as far as a hallucination goes but I know first hand that those who can be said to have “triumphed” over mental illness had people like you by their side.

    Reply

    • sentiMENTALparRANTing
      Mar 03, 2013 @ 10:35:17

      I hope so. We should all be well supported, personally and in society. Triumph is a word I hope to be using soon.

      Reply

      • gareeth
        Mar 05, 2013 @ 08:04:46

        Triumph is a tricky word which I is why I used it in quotes but if we define it not necessarily as recovery (which could happen) but having the best possible life, and the supports that enable that then it seems so much more doable. They do know so much more now about these very early onset issues and with you by your son’s side the odds of Jones having to pack up and leave for good seem high but even if that doesn’t happen his life will all the same be much better for having you in his corner it’s clear.

  23. frizztext
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 00:12:23

    Reply

  24. Judy
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 01:36:32

    There’s nothing like a mother’s heart! (Well, except for our Father’s heart.). Bless you, and may Jones be gone for good.

    Reply

  25. awells10
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 05:36:09

    Reblogged this on awells10's Blog.

    Reply

  26. Trackback: Freshly Riffed 22: Snoring And Whoring | A VERY STRANGE PLACE
  27. 5thingstodotoday
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 10:00:21

    I really like your blog and would love you to guest post on my, http://www.5thingstodotoday.com site. All you have to do is write five suggestions along with a link back to your site. Please check out the blog and see the sort of things people have written about.

    Reply

  28. Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 10:47:03

    Your letter is magical.

    Reply

  29. Tara
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 13:02:19

    I love your faith, your wisdom, your compassion…yes, be gone, Jones!

    Reply

  30. Storm
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 18:48:50

    Very touching letter about a rough situation.

    Reply

  31. Hope Giving
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 23:14:14

    You are a truly amazing and inspirational woman!! Where most would throw their hands in the air and declare their surrender you have fought on and I have no doubt will continue to fight for your child as long as he needs. I admire you and am in awe of your strength.

    Reply

  32. Amanda
    Mar 04, 2013 @ 00:57:39

    Someday I hope to be a mother like you. My mother never fought for me, and while I forgive her now, reading your post made those feelings resurface because I never dealt with an ounce of what Potato must be going through. Thank god his mother is a fighter, and an eloquent one at that.

    Reply

  33. Crisis in the Kitchen
    Mar 04, 2013 @ 01:35:44

    Ok, I am back! I read your article “Dear Jones” at breakfast this morning. I actually saw you on “Fresh Pressed” so congratulations. I am afraid I got so emotional this morning that I was only able to say a short “thank you”. My son is 23 now and it has been a long and hard battle and I was ready to throw the towel many times, but as you so well put it, you pick yourself up and fight on as you know it is worth it. He is now starting his own company and has looked at Jones in the eye and made it who he is and has come to terms with it (for now). Anyway, I cannot thank you enough for letting us in such a wonderful way. On another note, I started my blog because my kids kept saying it was too complicated to do…. I was able to get one up and running in all of 2 hours! They were cracking up. Anyway, I left it to one side and forgot all about it and just the other day looked into it again and found many many comments asking for more of my “easy to do” recepies. So I understand your surprise. Anyway, thanks for giving us hope and energy and please … keep blogging for goodness sake!

    Reply

  34. 4helderor4worst
    Mar 04, 2013 @ 04:49:53

    Excellent

    Reply

  35. pstullos
    Mar 04, 2013 @ 05:34:15

    I was so touched by your story, I have an adult son, that has a “JONES” issue, so to speak….he has a monkey on his back, that has made hima totally different person to us all. His issue is with the drug they call ” Bath Salts” this is the battle that my family fights every day. Most of the family has pretty much turned their backs on him, however, as his mother, I will never turn my back. Your story has given me another ounce of strength to fight my sons “JONES”. Thank you so very much for sharing your touching story with the world, not many people would have shared their story as you have. Again, I thank God for people like you.

    Reply

    • sentiMENTALparRANTing
      Mar 04, 2013 @ 09:37:00

      My intentions were to touch someone who could find some connections with my words. I will pray for your son. Though our circumstances in how Jones arrived are different, I am so very glad that you could relate. Hang in there!

      Reply

  36. jenibear76
    Mar 04, 2013 @ 11:36:15

    Our children look to us, for understanding, explanations, and solutions. We may not understand, we might not be able to explain, and the solutions aren’t within our grasp. But as long as we believe in our children, put in the effort to understand, and explain whatever it may be that they are dealing with, we have already begun to be part of the solution. You are an exceptional parent, a roll model for all of us parents who suffer through our children’s mental anguish, feeling hopeless, because we don’t know where to start to help our kids. Thank you.

    Reply

  37. willv1
    Mar 05, 2013 @ 12:40:05

    cul! this is awesome! come check out my blog, its kind of like this, pls like it we need all we can get! thanks, it is a huge help, i love what your doing!

    Reply

  38. devilhunter309
    Mar 06, 2013 @ 08:04:17

    awesome post 🙂

    Reply

  39. pommevie
    Mar 06, 2013 @ 12:56:51

    Reblogged this on Apple of Life.

    Reply

    • sentiMENTALparRANTing
      Mar 06, 2013 @ 14:55:43

      I am trying to figure out exactly what Apple of Life is. Do you admin this page and is it a place where you just reblog? It may be a lame question, but I am still learning, so please excuse my ignorance.

      Reply

      • pommevie
        Mar 07, 2013 @ 08:09:43

        Oh! Good afternoon ~*
        🙂 Apple of Life is my blog page 🙂
        I blog and also reblog interesting blogs 🙂
        It’s not a lame question at all!
        Hope you have a great day.

  40. Elizabeth E George
    Mar 09, 2013 @ 01:42:53

    Thank you for this post. Mental illness is never an easy thing. The one thing I can say though, is that you have the right attitude. I wish all the best to you and your son. And, yes, no one is the illness with which they live. Best.

    Reply

  41. OyiaBrown
    Mar 10, 2013 @ 06:25:19

    Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.

    Reply

  42. daniellajoe
    Apr 15, 2013 @ 11:56:00

    Amen!!!

    Reply

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